Local judge feeling heat after holding teen accountable

Satire

November 21, 2039

LOUISVILLE, KY –  A family of an 18-year-old male is calling for a local judges’ resignation following a shocking sentencing hearing. 

“We are shocked and astonished,” said the boys’ mother, who’s identity, along with the 18-year-old male’s, is being protected to avoid accountability.

The modern courtroom requires a modern approach to consequences, according to local school officials, who have successfully eliminated the word suspension from citizen’s vocabulary by not suspending a student since 2019.

Judge William Snyder, sentenced John Doe to 30 days in jail following a no-contest plea to charges of wanton endangerment in the second degree and resisting arrest. 

“It was no-contest,” Doe stated in a courthouse cleared of citizens, allowing for a safe and non-offensive environment. “I would have won easily, but they said I’d have to go to trial or something and I don’t have time for that. I mean, I wouldn’t be able to check my phone and stuff. Now, they are telling me I won’t have a phone for 30 days or something. This is crazy and against my rights. I figured he’d just say don’t do it again.”

“This is crazy and against my rights. I figured he’d just say don’t do it again.”

the accused, John doe

Snyder refused to comment on sentencing, citing a pending ethics investigation.

Hundreds of community members, including civic leaders, gathered on the courthouse steps, with signs expressing their support for Doe, who’s mother read a prepared statement.

“My son doesn’t deserve this injustice,” she said. “He’s been through so much and everyone needs to understand that his actions are not his own. They are a result of trauma and hardship.”

Officials from Doe’s high school were on hand to show support for the family, and corroborated the mother’s statements.

“What we have here is a clear manifestation of a disability and trauma,” a spokesperson stated.

When asked about John Doe’s disability, the spokesperson would only state that fear and anxiety are major issues, considering the student has never been on grade level in reading or math, due to not completing assignments, sleeping in class, and outbursts during teacher instruction.

The district’s spokesperson went on to state that the district implemented an individual learning plan and provided many resources, and made sure the student’s self-esteem remained high by ensuring the student didn’t fail, wasn’t punished for disruptive behavior, was rewarded for doing the simplest tasks, and was never singled out for removal from a classroom.

“I am not sure what could have caused him (Doe) to ignore the police sirens or to resist arrest, but I am sure there is a logical explanation for his actions that can be cleared up with a conversation between authorities and his family.”

District Spokesperson

“I am not sure what could have caused him (Doe) to ignore the police sirens or to resist arrest, but I am sure there is a logical explanation for his actions that can be cleared up with a conversation between authorities and his family,” the spokesperson stated. “This time spent away from the classroom will cost him valuable instructional time.”

John Doe, who has only 3 high school credits, but is 18, hasn’t faced such a harsh consequence prior, and his family expressed concern for his mental well-being. An open records request of Doe’s academic and behavior record shows grades of mostly C’s and D’s, many of which had been failing grades prior, but were changed once the student completed a 15-minute module on a Chromebook. In addition, there is an extensive record of conferencing with the student and parents relating to incidents ranging from directing profanity toward staff, fighting, and theft. 

“I would think after years of setting clear expectations and reminding the kid over and over,” he would have learned to be a model citizen,” stated Monica Jones, a concerned citizen who came to the courthouse to show support.

Local officials stated the investigation into Judge Snyder’s actions will be wrapped up within the hour, following a conference. Officials went on to say they were confident he would see the error in judgment and administer lesser consequences in the future.

School officials, who have set the standard for dealing with disruptive behavior for the past 20 years, agreed with city officials.

“We’ve established a strong precedent of setting high expectations for our children, and requiring adults to reteach those expectations when they are not met,” stated the district spokesperson.

A new judge has been assigned to the appeal, and it’s expected that following a meeting, Doe will avoid jail time.